You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
