I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
