I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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