SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Your cock deserves a montage
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
