it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
