Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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