i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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