She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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