I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
