i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
