So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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