I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
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