This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
