we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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