I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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