my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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