I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
