A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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