Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
