Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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