I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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