just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
