I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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