I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
