It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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