1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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