Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize