He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
