chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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