just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
