do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He kissed a someone with a penis
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
