btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
