ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
we're so committed to being not committed
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
