You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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