this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
