im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
