if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
