I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize