someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
