just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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