Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
