Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
