I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
