if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
