Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
