Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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