I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
