Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We need to get me chipped asap
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
