When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
