We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
