I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got inside last night via doggy door
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
