His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
