"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
