found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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