Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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