i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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