it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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