all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
