Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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