my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Terrible idea I love it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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