hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Everything about him screamed your future.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
