My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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