Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
