my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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