Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
