My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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