I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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