we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
