Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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